Mindfreaks was submitted into the SHU Theatre Arts Program’s TheaterFest of 2017-2018. It got up to the second round and semi-finals.
INT. WHITNEY & EMERY’S HOME — WHITNEY’S ROOM
Emery walks up to Whitney who is sitting in the center of the stage while relaxed upon a throne.
EMERY
Whitney?
WHITNEY
Who wanders into my chamber without my desired request?
EMERY
I do. Name’s Emery. Your happy go lucky pain in the ass.
WHITNEY
As my right-hand companion, Emery, I will spare your miserable existence just this once.
EMERY
We live in an apartment, Whitney. Not a Spencer’s.
WHITNEY
And I am not a cursed human, much like yourself, Emery?
EMERY
Because we both have the ability to control people’s minds?
WHITNEY
At least someone as insignificant as yourself knows their place within this treacherous world, as god himself granted us life but not without making a deal with the devil himself to turn us into the depraved, repulsive wretches that we are.
EMERY
Minorities?
WHITNEY
(yelling)
MINORITIES BELOW MINORITIES, EMERY! BORN WITH THE DEVIL’S CURSE AND BIRTHED INTO GOD’S REALITY WITH THE PSYCHIC ABNORMALITY TO MANIP-
EMERY
(interrupting Whitney)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Manipulating people’s minds. I was born to read them. You were born to control them. You don’t need to tell me every time I force myself to walk in here.
Whitney stands up in anger
WHITNEY
You bark at your sovereign, pest?
EMERY
I would yell at some rotting carcass of a sentient pile of organs and body tissue who overuses a can of AXE body spray over the ‘ever-so-cursed atrocity of’… bathing like a normal person.
WHITNEY
You speak only of fiction. Wishful thinking my dear servant, for-
WHITNEY & EMERY
god is not as forgiving contrary to the popular belief of the upper-class, as normality to us cursed-
EMERY
beings is nothing more than a mole attempting to conform with birds, as they’re unable to fly let alo- ‘Emery stop reading my mind, you are making me feel uncomfortable. I get it, you win. I’ll start showering if you want to.’ OH, THAAAAANKS, WHITNEY! I genuinely appreciate it! Why don’t you meet me in the living room after you bathe and we’ll talk about what we want to do today?
Emery leaves the room as Whitney waits for a bit until raising a hand towards where Emery left off to indicate that he has casted his mind manipulation powers to force Emery to forget about what happened.
EMERY
Whitney. Why am I standing here? I was just sleeping on the couch.
WHITNEY
You ask me?
EMERY
Whitney, I know you used your mind manipulation powers to make me forget something that happened between us. Didn’t you?
WHITNEY
Should we discuss about today’s plan, Emery?
EMERY
Not after you shower.
…
Just because you made me forget doesn’t mean I can’t read what *you* remember.
INT. WHITNEY & EMERY’S HOME — LIVING ROOM
Emery and Whitney sit on a couch thinking about what to do today
WHITNEY
So, Emery. What is on your mind?
EMERY
I know what’s on *yours*.
WHITNEY
As you do.
EMERY
Anyways, I was thinking of doing something a bit… different today? Maybe—uhh… big?
WHITNEY
Something… big? For someone as slothful such as yourself, you seem to be thinking amongst the height of the heavens for once.
EMERY
What if we found a way to put an end to humanity?
WHITNEY
Ahh. Plotting a revenge amongst mankind and their sins inflicted upon the world by betraying their god? You suggest that we commit the ultimate sin as a compromise?
EMERY
I mean, when you put it like that…
WHITNEY
Such an extravagant idea indeed, but with great power comes with tremendous responsibility. How are we to succeed with such a terrifying spectacle?
EMERY
When I’m out in public reading people’s minds, some people I’ll pass by are, like, members of the CIA. I’ve written some of their names down in a notebook. From what I’ve gathered, there’s this thing that they got called Project: Alaska. It’s a death machine designed where the user programming it can freeze themselves in a chamber for a few millennia as it shoots out a frozen laser thingy into the stratosphere and freezes over the world, killing most of the population, if not everyone. The user is able to leave once the world kinda becomes green again.
.
WHITNEY
A possession of such thought is allowed outside in a public space?
EMERY
I mean, what people think about isn’t really public knowledge… At least in a parallel dimension where I don’t exist.
Doorbell ring
EMERY
Door’s unlocked; just walk over to me and I’ll pay.
Pizza man (Grey) walks in with a box
PIZZAMAN (GREY)
I’ve got pepperoni and mushrooms for Emery.
Grey literally stopped moving from Whitney’s mind control
WHITNEY
You ordered pizza, Emery?
EMERY
Yeah? So?
WHITNEY
We were planning to get our food *after* we succeeded with our daily plan, which we have yet to successfully strategize to it’s fullest extent.
EMERY
I’m hungry.
WHITNEY
We have plenty of opportunities to consume some food during the day.
EMERY
Can you just make him think that I payed him, already?
GREY
That’ll be-
Whitney makes the pizza man think that he was already given money in advanced. The pizza man is able to move again.
GREY
Alright. Thank you for the payment and thank you for choosing Pizza-Gucci.
Grey leaves.
WHITNEY
How about world domination?
EMERY
Isn’t that, like, the same thing?
WHITNEY
Instead of simply ridding the world of it’s humanity, wouldn’t it be more plausible to take control of it?
EMERY
Because of course someone like you has to bring up mind control. Aren’t you only supposed to manipulate one person at a time?
WHITNEY
You dare to reference my inferiorities?
EMERY
At least you have a good personality.
WHITNEY
Don’t you know the consequences for barking at your ruler? Were you raised off of your caretaker’s insolence and leniency?
EMERY
I like long walks on the beach and seizing the means of production.
WHITNEY
Insolence, leniency, *and* confusion? Is this how commoners communicate with each other nowadays?
…
EMERY
Do you just wanna go after Project: Alaska?
WHITNEY
I guess I will be frank, I am unable to protest much further. While I would rot of boredom from being unable to manipulate another human being, at least we will prove that human beings deemed as scum, such as ourselves, will be the last of our species to survive. Besides, we can physically visit Chernobyl.
EMERY
It would be pretty cool to live the last moments of our life being the only two humans alive on earth. It wouldn’t be as convenient to live in, but at least we’ll be the only two to do it… maybe.
WHITNEY
Then, our plan is settled?
EMERY
You seem to be pretty fixed on it based on how much you’re quietly being a yes man about it.
…
I mean, that’s just how you act in general.
WHITNEY
Despite my authority above someone as weak such as yourself, you don’t seem to take me very seriously.
EMERY
…
Let’s just get going before I pass out.
Emery takes out a piece of pizza and gives it to Whitney.
WHITNEY
I am not hungry.
EMERY
That’s because you’re always eat, you wandering embodiment of haram.
INT. CAR
EMERY
This place is supposed to be located somewhere remote, obviously.
WHITNEY
You intentionally left your phone behind, correct?
EMERY
I don’t need the CIA or NSA on my ass while we’re talking about top secret information that goody two shoed civilians such as us aren’t supposed to-
Whitney takes out their phone
EMERY
Son of a bitch, Whitney! How much battery does your phone have?
WHITNEY
The battery icon indicates that it holds it’s near fullest possession of power.
…
*quickly* Specifically 97%.
Emery takes the phone from Whitney
EMERY
At least it’s on airplane mode. Quickly, put it in a plastic bag in the freezer. The battery will die faster.
Whitney puts the phone in the trunk freezer.
EMERY
I’m thinking we sleep for the night at a hotel somewhere.
WHITNEY
This location is a distance away from our current territory?
EMERY
Yeah.
WHITNEY
And you expect to travel towards this location without the reliability of commoner tools such as smart phones?
EMERY
Whitney. A phone is a detriment. Otherwise, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones would’ve physically exiled our asses from society by then.
WHITNEY
I am aware of your extraordinary mental cunning. I was just not fully aware of the capabilities of the bigger authority. They give us such convenience only to use it against us. The detriments of living in a democracy and not a monarchy. I will reward you with my praise, Emery. You *are* a useful companion.
EMERY
You want something at Starbuck’s? We’re gonna go through the drive-thru.
WHITNEY
I request for a grande caramel macchiato, as the foamiest of drinks are always the most cathartic to consume.
EMERY
I just wanted your order, not an Olive Garden menu description.
WHITNEY
You desire for the usual, do you not?
EMERY
Yeah, the usual.
Emery stops and an announcer asks for their order.
ANNOUNCER (Grey)
Hi, welcome to Starbucks. May I take your order?
EMERY
Give us free shit.
A brief pause
ANNOUNCER
Alright, just come on around and we’ll give you your free drinks. Thank you for voting for Sanders.
EMERY
Thanks, loser. (sarcastically to Whitney)
WHITNEY
I am only doing this for you due to my power expanding beyond the realms of our universe with you by my side.
EMERY
You think you can take the wheel for me. I’m gonna go into that alley way over there.
WHITNEY
How come?
EMERY
I wanna get baked.
Emery gets out of the car and walks away. Whitney is sitting there silently and switches seats.
WHITNEY
Such hedonism.
EXT. ALLEYWAY
A drugdealer is standing there as Emery walks over to them.
DRUG DEALER (Grey)
You cool?
EMERY
I dunno. Are *you* freezing to death?
DRUG DEALER
Heh. Real funny.
EMERY
Cool.
DRUG DEALER
Are you looking for something?
EMERY
Your name is Brian, right? Brian Parker?
DRUG DEALER
What?
EMERY
Brian Parker? Correct?
DRUG DEALER
No? I think you’re looking in the wrong area. He’s probably some rich asshole sitting in Wall Street right now.
EMERY
Yeah, that’s exactly the kind of life you’d be wishing right now. I know exactly what you did to Jessica.
DRUG DEALER
The hell are you talking about?!
EMERY
Jessica Harmon’s cousin? San Antonio High School? Class of 97’? I know exactly what you did to her and her family.
DRUG DEALER
Listen here, it was a car accident. I was picking up my sister from school!
EMERY
A CAR ACCIDENT THAT COSTED HER LOVED ONES, BRIAN! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
DRUG DEALER
AND I DID MY TIME AND I’M DOING WHATEVER I CAN TO NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT JAIL CELL EVER AGAIN!
EMERY
BY SELLING MARIJUANA IN THE STREETS, BRIAN?! BY RELYING ON FOOD STAMPS AND GETTING BOOZE BY PRETENDING TO BE HOMELESS?! THAT’LL GET YOU TO AVOID JAIL?
The Drug Dealer falls to the ground in anguish and despair.
DRUG DEALER
Just take ‘em.
EMERY
Huh?
The Drug Dealer gives everything he has.
DRUG DEALER
Just take it all. Throw it all away, because I finally understand my purpose in life, and I will live my life knowing of everything that I’ve done. I’m irredeemable.
EMERY
Thanks, bro.
Emery picks up the drugs and walks away.
DRUG DEALER
The hell?!
INT — CAR
Emery walks back into the car, as Whitney is now in the driver’s seat.
WHITNEY
How did everything within that alley transpire?
EMERY
I emotionally broke the dealer. I didn’t even need to demand for any weed. He just gave it to me.
WHITNEY
Is that the only thing you use your mind-reading for? Emotional manipulation for gain?
EMERY
I mean, I personally use it to mess with religious people, start rumors about others, threaten people by their social security numbers, debit card info, credit card info, and other things… Oh, actually, I learn some skills from random people on the street.
WHITNEY
Skills? Of any particular variance?
EMERY
Cooking, street performing, meditating, talking to people, surviving in the wild, the works.
WHITNEY
Ah, no wonder you made that incredibly scrumptious gnocchi the other night.
EMERY
Did you know that the secret to making a five star recipe is to get a bottle of the condiment of your choosing and shooting it in a zigzag pattern across your dish?
…
If we stop by somewhere to eat, do you think we should try it with something basic?
WHITNEY
As expected of your mind reading, you have aroused my hidden human-like vulnerability of… curiosity. I demand that you provide me with an example, ayyyy-SAP!
INT. DINER
Emery and Whitney are sitting at a table in a diner, with a plate of French Fries.
EMERY
French fries.
WHITNEY
French fries? The greasiest of commoner food?
EMERY
You like ketchup with yours, right?
WHITNEY
Correct. It savors the oily texture of the fries of the French.
EMERY
Just call them french fries. Or fries.
WHITNEY
I demand that you hand me over the contained red table sauce, Emery. I would like to have a first hand experience in your exquisite claims.
Emery gives Whitney the bottled ketchup
EMERY
Here you go.
WHITNEY
How delightful of you, Emery.
Whitney shoots the ketchup across the plate of fries in a zigzag fashion, as told by Emery. Whitney then looks at the plate in satisfaction.
WHITNEY
Heheh… hehehahahah… HUHUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
COWER BEFORE MY NEWFOUND CULINARY EXPRESSION, FOR *I* HAVE FURTHER UNLOCKED THE SECRETS TO CRAFTING THE ULTIMATE RECIPE!
Waiter walks over.
WAITER (Grey)
Do I have to throw you out of the restaurant?
WHITNEY
Do you lust over the warm and swift embrace of your inevitable demise, coward?
Whitney mind-controls that waiter onto the floor as the waiter uses his legs to push his lying body out of the scene.
EMERY
This is why I intentionally avoid going out to eat with you.
WHITNEY
I consider this one instance the singular exception?
EMERY
I mean… we’re gonna destroy the world. It may as well be our last before I have to spend the rest of my life being stuck with your weird ass.
WHITNEY
Our last supper before world domination… are fries?
EMERY
Ask that guy you just scooted away for a cheesesteak or something, you can do whatever the hell you want.
WHITNEY
Alright then. Waiter?
The waiter walks back over
WAITER
What is it that you wish for tonight, my fellow sovereign?
EMERY
Whitney, holy crap, what are you doing?
WHITNEY and WAITER
With the powers that we possess, let us make history.
EMERY
Not with that waiter, you’re not.
WAITER
But I, as a waiter, can serve all of the food you desire through thick and thin.
EMERY
You won’t even *have* food in the car to serve, let alone the apocalypse.
WAITER
Not a worry my newfound master; you can teach me the ways of survival.
EMERY
Maybe after you quit manipulating some random waiter, Whitney.
WHITNEY and WAITER
I will manipulate whomever I please!
EMERY
Oh, funny story. I passed by George R. R. Martin the other day, and as I was reading his mind, he’s apparently planning on ending Game of Thrones with something incredible.
WHITNEY
You cannot fool me this time, Emery. I know those last two spoilers you implanted into my mind were completely false.
EMERY
The next person who takes over the throne-
The waiter then sprints in a goofy fashion as a door can be heard opening and closing followed by a crashing sound.
EMERY
You’re making everyone in this restaurant forget everything that happened here. Got it, Whitney?
WHITNEY
I am always astounded by your otherworldly ability to read the thoughts of other human beings. The best way to describe your usage of such an ability is… emotionally manipulative.
EMERY
I still wonder why you don’t just mind control me to run away or make me forget that you exist, let alone deem me as an equal. Your ability to control minds is obviously more powerful than mine.
WHITNEY
As you are correct. If I wanted to, I could even cease the function of your brain, killing you instantaneously.
EMERY
Have you ever done it to someone?
WHITNEY
Why ask me? You’re always reading my mind. By this stage I am surprised you have not even found the secrets to Pandora’s Box.
EMERY
So you didn’t kill anyone.
WHITNEY
And you are… correct.
EMERY
…
About what you just said…
WHITNEY
Specify.
EMERY
About reading everyone’s minds? I honestly… kinda hate it.
WHITNEY
It becomes exhausting, doesn’t it? Perhaps from the vast ocean and variety of thought processes and memories that you encounter daily?
…
EMERY
Everyone’s messed up. I can’t even trust anyone.
WHITNEY
Not even the waiter?
EMERY
That waiter is a wifebeater and a closeted Jared Fogle.
WHITNEY
(casually) Jesus, really?
EMERY
I barely even met him and he’s ripe for a dateline NBC reboot pilot, but that’s just one person. Everyone else I meet is either pretentious, depraved of any morality, feels obligated to believe in bullshit, or just has murderous impulses against certain people, it’s really traumatic.
WHITNEY
Was this why you were so inclined to go on this odyssey with me?
EMERY
I guess.
Pause
EMERY
Tonight, we’re gonna book a hotel. Tomorrow, it’ll take about three hours to get to our destination.
WHITNEY
You imply that we should get some sleep soon? Correct?
EMERY
Yeah. I’ve had a long day.
EXT — Car, near the facility that holds project Alaska
EMERY
This is it, Whitney. The secret building that holds Project: Alaska
WHITNEY
I would imagine it being more in the desert and not really… the woods.
EMERY
The woods is usually a decent place to hide, especially since this place is supposed to be kinda reserved.
WHITNEY
It possesses a closer resemblance to that of a basic office building. A nest that holds the most societally conforming and hedonistic of individuals.
EMERY
And you’re right.
WHITNEY
Come now?
EMERY
It’s a basic office building, but there’s a secret passage that you can access from an underground tunnel nearby. From what I’ve written down in my notes, most people who work here don’t even know about Project: Alaska.
WHITNEY
The individual who’s mind you have read… He seems like a rich and powerful individual to hold access to… anarchy, essentially.
EMERY
Individual? I read a bunch of people’s minds to get this info.
WHITNEY
My… mistake.
EMERY
Why don’t we just sneak in already? If you see anyone, you know what to do.
WHITNEY
Human beings are defined by their professions, Emery, and I am fully capable of mine.
EMERY
Hold on a minute… I wanna ask something before we kill everyone.
WHITNEY
You wish to ask of something?
EMERY
Where they hold Project: Alaska. Are you sure it’s in *this* building?
WHITNEY
You *are* the one who is making all of the decisions here.
EMERY
Are you sure about that? Because I thought when I was reading the minds of those CIA agents, the location would be in a building made in the style of gothic architecture. This building seems to be based around the bauhaus style.
WHITNEY
What’s a bauhaus?
EMERY
Can I also say this? Last night, I went to the hotel office to look up some names of the agents that I’ve read the minds of on a bunch of search engines, and I found it not only suspicious that their real names *didn’t* match the public records I’ve found, but *did* have similarities to many famous gothic novelists, which include Graham Stoker, Anthony Radcliffe, Norris Walpole, and Marianne Sherry.
WHITNEY
What are you saying?
EMERY
Whitney… I’m suspicious that you mind controlled me to *believe* that I've read the minds of CIA agents to gain access to a nonexistent death machine located in some random office building in the woods, followed by *you* using mind control on *yourself* to forget what I’ve previously just mentioned so that I would never suspect you through reading your mind.
WHITNEY
But if I do not know about this, that means that I cannot prove-
EMERY
Check your back pocket right now.
Whitney checks the back pocket of their pants and finds a note, as he reads it out loud
WHITNEY
“Emery, this note confirms that I have mind controlled the both of us to think that we were after a death machine known as Project: Alaska. The intention was to get the both of us to meet up with someone who has very similar powers to us without our knowledge and it was meant to be a surprise. They live within a home that has a strong resemblance to bauhaus architecture.”
Emery takes the note and looks at it
EMERY
I’m not even surprised at the fact that this is definitely your handwriting, but *you* seem to be pretty shocked.
WHITNEY
I…
EMERY
Whitney… You gotta really stop doing this shit. Who exactly is this dude? Why would we even want to meet them in a bauhaus building?
…
Yeah, of course you don’t even know, because you were stupid enough to forget, literally and intentionally through your supernatural ability to *make people forget*!
WHITNEY
We… may as well go inside…
EMERY
How about no?
WHITNEY
How do you protest, Emery?
EMERY
You basically mind-controlled me into meeting some weirdo you’re not even aware of, primarily due to the fact that you *willfully* decided to forget, let alone if he has similar abilities to us. My best assumption is that I initially denied you to meet this person and you made me go against my will. Talk about being emotionally manipulative.
WHITNEY
I question you Emery, for your gifted intellect and suspicion, you were quite devoted for this goal. You seemed quite passionate to end the world.
EMERY
I mean, I had some skepticism as to the names that I read but I didn’t care. I hate people. What is this, like, the fifth time you did this to me?
WHITNEY
From what I can recall and reassemble from the fragments of my memories, the first two instances will forever be unknown, followed by the third instance where I was intoxicated on alcohol, as follows the fourth instance where I likely made an excuse to meet up with the band members of Sum 41.
EMERY
I thought that time we were stuck in the Bahamas was the third one?
WHITNEY
Come to think of it, I would presume that to be the case due to a pattern where odd numbered instances, aside from this one, had us trespass into foreign territory.
EMERY
Oh, like when we ended up in Greece that first time?
WHITNEY
For my ability to mind control and for you to quickly learn the modern Greek language through mind-reading, it is a wonder as to how any ordinary human who doesn’t understand another language in a foreign territory is able to navigate.
Emery walks over to the back of the car
WHITNEY
Where are you going?
EMERY
If this black bag is exactly what I think it is…
…
You really kidnapped the waiter.
WHITNEY
What waiter?
EMERY
You were obsessed with him last night when we were eating at a diner, and of course you made yourself forget about that as well, didn’t you?
WHITNEY
How come we had settled upon a place as basic as a diner out of all areas for culinary consumption?
EMERY
Real question, how much did you make yourself forget, Whitney? Why the hell would you ev-
Both Whitney and Emery are both frozen in time, as the waiter [Grey] walks out onto the stage with his phone and texts for a bit.
[SOMEONE FROM THE TECH CREW]
*whispering* Get off of the stage!
GREY
Hm?
[SOMEONE FROM THE TECH CREW]
*whispering* Who are you?
GREY
Oh, sorry. I’m a part of the show. It’s where the two main characters freeze in place.
[SOMEONE FROM THE TECH CREW]
Wait a minute, that doesn’t even happen! *a bit louder voice* Wait, is this supposed to happen?
GREY
Here’s the real question: Who cares about shitty writing made by some pale, scrawny caucasians with a procrastination problem? You know what, lemme ask that to the audience. People who have to sit through this boring debacle of a playwright, ya want something really exciting? Like, something that lives up to the name of Mindfreaks?
(audience reacts maybe)
GREY
Well, depending how you feel about it, excited, confused, annoyed that your nephew wrote a show and you felt obligated to fly from another state because “my son’s a Lin Manuel Miranda”, whatever’s happening here needs to end off with something stupidly pretentious, grandiose, and completely last minute, but why not have some dumb fun for once. This is Round 2 of the Sacred Heart University Theatrefest of 2018, after all, you can do whatever the hell you want! So audience, you wanna make a scene? Let’s all sing kumbaya and make one hell of a scene!
Grey raises an arm and snaps their fingers as the lights go off.
GREY
And please, feel free to call me Grey.
???. STAGE
The lights come back on as Emery, Whitney, and Grey stands around.
WHITNEY
What the… He’s standing next to us?
EMERY
Whitney, for the love of god, mind control the waiter into unconsciousness, he can’t know that you just tried to kidnap him without remembering as to why you did it.
GREY
Waiter? Kidnapping?
EMERY
Whitney, you didn’t just make him forget his job, didn’t you?
WHITNEY
For I have not. Now I apologize for my incredible ability to control the minds of the human being, but I am afraid I’ll have to put you into a temporary slumber.
Whitney attempts to mind control him into unconsciousness but it doesn’t work. Whitney, confused, attempts to do it again.
GREY
Good to know.
EMERY
What are you doing, Whitney?
WHITNEY
I… It seems that…
EMERY
What the shit? Okay, you better not be messing with me, Whitney. I can’t even-
GREY
Emery and Whitney, two individuals who have the ability to either read or control the mind.
EMERY
W-Who is this? I don’t think this is the waiter from before.
WHITNEY
Why do you not ask politely for their given name, Emery?
EMERY
I don’t need to ask for people’s names!
GREY
I mean, since you’re always reading people like an open book with your cool mind abilities, of course you don’t need to ask for my name.
WHITNEY
I guess I will have to ask myself. What is it that you choose to be orally signified as?
GREY
Grey. The person you went here to meet?
EMERY
What?
WHITNEY
So it *was* you that I wanted to meet but forgot.
EMERY
We gotta get out of here, Whitney.
GREY
Out of where?
EMERY
This woods! We’re not even supposed to be here.
GREY
The woods? You’re not in the woods. This is actually the place you’re supposed to be in… by fate.
WHITNEY
By… fate?
GREY
How should I put this? Uhhh… how about you… look that way for a moment and tell me how you feel?
Grey points out towards the audience as Whitney and Emery look.
WHITNEY
We’re on stage right now?
EMERY
Whitney, quit this shit. This isn’t even funny.
WHITNEY
But it isn’t me.
EMERY
I’ve known you for, like, more than five years to recognize when I’m hallucinating from your weird fantasies.
GREY
Make what you will… I mean, unless you want me to tell you the truth about where you are.
EMERY
Whitney, for the love of Christ, stop doing this to me!
WHITNEY
I am not. We have established that my intention was to meet someone similar to us and as you can see, we both struggle to use our mind controlling capabilities upon this new opponent of ours.
EMERY
Yeah, you know what?! Piss off Whitney! If you won’t stop doing this to m-
Emery is knocked out by Grey through their unknown ability
WHITNEY
You have not just knocked my right-hand companion into a state of unconsciousness.
GREY
I could do the same thing to you if you attempt to mind control me.
WHITNEY
What is your purpose to oppose us?
GREY
Oh, that’s funny you bring that up, because all three of us have the exact same purpose.
WHITNEY
Simply due to our otherworldly capabilities to manipulate people by their minds does not parallel with the conceptualization that we possess the exact same destiny. Emphasize you tyrant!
GREY
Well… You see this audience of people?
WHITNEY
I can see an audience of human beings that look different from yourself. Yes.
GREY
I mean, it’s gotta be kiiiiinda messed up to know that those people don’t even look the exact same as me. I know that the people in *your* world, aside from you and Emery, are the only ones that look different.
WHITNEY
Wait a minute… I just assumed that those people were your mind bending subordinates watching over my suffering, like the Ancient Romans looking over a coliseum battle.
GREY
Yup. They’re regular people.
WHITNEY
But how?
GREY
You see, Whitney, this may sound a bit conspiratorial but… you’re in a play right now.
WHITNEY
A… play? As in, a performance in which I stand upon stage and act out in front of… this wretched crowd of humans? That is the current state of my existence?
GREY
Actually, to be more realistic, that’s your *entire* existence. You’re a character written by a playwright and your only purpose in life is to act within it. What do you willfully in your life is predetermined by the playwright, which also applies to Emery and myself.
WHITNEY
You sound like a heretical lunatic right now- WILL YOU GET THAT SPOTLIGHT OUT OF MY FACE?! YOU ARE WEAKENING MY NATURAL BORN SENSE OF VISION! Anyways, you sound heretical, but due to the unfortunate and exceptional occurrence that someone has outclassed me in my extraordinary abilities, it seems wiser to submit under your… otherworldly curse. And I thought the day would never come by. A bit sobering in a way.
GREY
You don’t have to, but hey, all of our behaviors and actions are based on how the playwright writes them in.
WHITNEY
Despite your newfound authority over me, I ask for a simple question.
GREY
Go right ahead. Not like it’ll matter in the end.
WHITNEY
Is this playwright around, perhaps hidden within the audience right before my very eyes?
GREY
Probably.
WHITNEY
Well if that is the case then I have one thing to say to you, playwright, and I will say it as clearly as possible.
Emery stands up and starts spinning around. Whitney looks right into the audience.
WHITNEY
I am played by Zackary Lane, Repertory Theatre Chair of the Theatre Arts Program, acting out a black box production reading off of a script that I’ve memorized for the entire sake of entertaining you stupid ugly excuses of audience members that have taken the time out of their busy schedules to come here and have a fun time with this show alongside others in which the author who has written this, Tristan Gowen, has full respect for you all to come by and enjoy this terribly written show of his.
EMERY
Thanks, Jerry.
WHITNEY
Wait, what did I just say now?
Emery falls back down unconsciously.
GREY
That should explain your position.
WHITNEY
I am confused.
GREY
Of course you’re written that way; can’t help it. Here. Why don’t you take a walk with me off stage? Come on.
Grey and Whitney literally walk off stage to the center of the isles
GREY
What do you think will happen to you when you’ll die?
WHITNEY
You wish to ask me for my theological beliefs?
GREY
No pressure, just tell me what you believe will happen to you.
WHITNEY
Well, once my body can no longer handle this cruel world, my soul will descend into the ground as I will finish off the embodiment of everything dark and cruel in this world, the devil himself, with the cursed ability that I was granted with, for I will end eternity through destroying the world and taking every last inch of suffering into the void.
awkward pause
GREY
Um… yeah, that doesn’t happen.
WHITNEY
You disrespect my beliefs? We live in the current era. I’m offended!
GREY
I’m just being objective here. Your existence is tied into this play as all of these people are watching.
Emery gets back up under the control of Grey.
GREY & EMERY
Your existence is tied into this play as all of these people are watching. They are here for the sake of experiencing your own predetermined experiences with this world which have been written for the sake of entertainment.
With the snap of Grey’s fingers, Emery regains consciousness.
EMERY
What’s happening?
GREY
Oh, hi, Emery!
EMERY
Why does my head hurt? Did I drink too much again?
WHITNEY
Emery?
EMERY
Who’s this dude?
GREY
Name’s Grey. You got kinda messed up, so I-
EMERY
Whitney, what the hell were you doing to yourself to literally think that we exist in a play?
GREY
I’ll be frank, you weren’t very stable when the playwright had to knock you out through plot convenience.
EMERY
Playwright?
GREY
Well, he couldn’t really think of a good reason to make you forget about meeting me and everything’s sort of predetermined and poorly structured and-
EMERY
Okay, you’re being really confusing right now. I can’t even read your mind.
WHITNEY
Emery, I can be honest with you and conclude that as intellectually insulting this is, I am *not* mind controlling you right now nor would ever to this extent.
EMERY
I freaked out because of that, right. I’ll just go along with it. I’ve lost any faith of living at this stage and I’d rather be dead instead of having to look at all of these pitiful excuses of audience members.
GREY
Sucks for you.
EMERY
What, I can’t die or something? Is that supposed to be your power? You make people immune to dying?
GREY
Probably. Actually, I don’t even know if I have a definitive power. I probably just exist because that’s how I was written into the show by the playwright.
WHITNEY
A definitive power you say?
GREY
I mean… maybe it’s just my knowledge of the fact that we’re *in* a play and that it all goes on repeat, so I have the ability to do whatever I want, probably beyond even what’s determined of my existence.
EMERY
This guy’s seems worse than you, Whitney, and I don’t even expect much good from you in the first place.
WHITNEY
At least you have the bravery to admit your honesty, Emery.
EMERY
At least you know that I’m the only living human being that’ll ever get near you, let alone tolerate your weird drama club speech pattern.
WHITNEY
Take heed, Grey. For I am not pleased of the implication that we cannot die and that our existence goes on repeat, as you claim.
GREY
Is your brain starting to function yet? I think you know what’s up.
WHITNEY
What’s up?
GREY
Okay, I guess you *don’t* know. Fine, I’ll say it. Your life starts when Emery talked to you yesterday and your life ends right here. Actually, it never ends. In fact, whenever it ends, it begins once again but in a completely different time period of the world that you’re presenting it too.
EMERY
Whitney, if this is some weird fever dream that you’re projecting on me through your mind-controlling ability, I’m gonna actually murder you in cold blood and I will not regret it.
WHITNEY
Why don’t you… try reading the mind of the audience members.
EMERY
Okay… there’s about three psychopaths, maybe a murderer, a sex offender, a few racists, and about a dozen and a half stoners, and I don’t know if I should out them all or not. You know what? Maybe I really should just take your word on this for once, Whitney. At least the names of the audience members aren’t named after… bastardizations of gothic authors or whatever.
GREY
Hey, that’s funny. We’re all technically bastards.
EMERY
A bastard like me grew up with parents. Shitty parents but parents none the less.
GREY
I mean… you *think* you grew up with parents, but in the end, it’s only the three of us. I guess you can’t come to terms to accept that you’re nothing more than a fictional character being portrayed on stage by a real world person.
EMERY
What do you mean I don’t live in the real world? Are you telling me this stage with all of these people *is* the real world?
GREY
Not all of it. There’s definitely more outside of this room. Too bad you won’t be able to experience all of it, sadly, since your existence is bound to this one room as well as about thirty to forty minutes of this play.
Silence
GREY
I know it’s hard to accept but it’s the truth.
EMERY
Okay, now I really wish this was one of Whitney’s hallucinations because what I’m listening to sounds like complete batshit insanity.
WHITNEY
There is no reason for us to accept the truth of your claims. Who knows if you have similar abilities related to mine if not more powerful than ours.
GREY
…
Do you want me to prove it to you?
EMERY
Prove what?
GREY
That you all live in a repeating and cycle where you are performers controlled by a playwright?
WHITNEY
What exactly *can* you prove?
GREY
Well, you won’t be able to remember it, buuuuut…
Grey snaps his fingers as the lights goes out. The show’s basically ended as all of the cast members congratulate each other.
WHITNEY (ooc)
Well, great show everyone.
EMERY (ooc)
Yeah, great going tonight guys. That was pretty fun.
GREY (ooc)
Yeah. I’m surprised how everything turned out. I think the small casting helped out a lot.
EMERY (ooc)
Absolutely.
WHITNEY (ooc)
It’s a [whatever weekday the show’s being played on] night, let’s say we hit G-Star?
EMERY (ooc)
We still have a few more shows going on.
WHITNEY (ooc)
Oh, well obviously. I’m meant after the last two shows finish up.
GREY (ooc)
Speaking of shows, what’s the next readthrough?
EMERY (ooc)
[The next show], right?
WHITNEY (ooc)
Who wrote that again?
EMERY (ooc)
Whoever it is, we should congratulate them after.
GREY (ooc)
We should really congratulate everyone on their shows. Lots of good ones this year.
WHITNEY (ooc)
Yeah, absolutely.
EMERY (ooc)
Why don’t we move along? I mean, we’re not the only ones who have places to be on a [weekday of showing] night.
EVERYONE
(Laughing)
WHITNEY (ooc)
Alright, alright. Let’s stop beating around the bush. (looking at the audience) Hey everyone, thank you so much for coming here tonight. It’s been really great being here and we appreciate you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to stop by.
EMERY (ooc)
You might see one or two of us again but aside from that, we wish you all a good night.
GREY (ooc)
Yeah, goodnight everyone.
WHITNEY (ooc)
We thank you for coming to theatrefest and everyone who’s written, directed, stage managed, and acted on here tonight, Thursday night, and the following weekend nights. Alright, we’ll see you all later and have a happy 2018.
Everyone leaves the stage and says their goodbyes like nothing ever happened
Fin